| AWOL (Absent Without Our Leave) |
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4'x9' -- By: V. Costilow |
| Award winner in Juried exhibition, San Diego, CA This painting is dedicated to the wives and children who stayed at home and waited. Now on permanent exhibition at the Veteran's Memorial Museum, Balboa Park Please scroll down |
Laid down their lives man by brave man
In a havoc wreaked on Asian sand
While politicians played out losing hands
Silently -- we waited Through oblong days and sleepless nights
When husbands and fathers went off to fight
We stayed at home and lived with fright
Marking time -- we waited We had the children and volunteered
Dealt with mechanics over faulty gears
Prayed on Sundays and shed more tears
Mostly -- we just waited We comforted those who got the news
Often darkened the chaplain's door
Searched out allotments gone askew
And wondered what it was all for
Frustrated -- we waited
Stoicism became the garb of the day
Worn to children's parties -- PTAs;
Afternoon teas with the CO's wife
Who wore the gold in absentia
Really -- we just waited In our building next door lived a corpsman's wife
Beside her a pilot's wife or two
We dwelt in exclusive communities
In our own selective solitude
Collectively -- we waited
Questions were many -- answers out of sight
Scores were kept on the news at night
Refereed by Rather and Walter Cronkite
Inundated -- we waited Letters took on vital importance
Words often strained -- places strange
Saigon, KheSanh, oh yes -- DaNang
"I miss you -- I love you -- I have such fears
I can't figure out what I'm doing here.
My buddy Bob got hit last night
Won't you go and see his wife?"
We followed through -- and waited You came home to our combat zones
We'd fought our own battles while you were gone
Our minds were split -- our loyalties too
We hated the war but we loved you
Never found out how to balance the two
And just when we thought we'd gotten a clue
They'd send you off again, too soon
And we'd go back to waiting Finally, shipped home broken and cowed
(The latest form that conflict allowed)
Insane, apathetic -- in body bags
Or at rest in coffins draped with flags
Some of us could stop waiting
Others endured the terror of nightmares
Silence screamed louder during the day
Twisted thoughts -- nerves un-frayed
Introduced a new kind of waiting
The drinking commenced at seven AM
Illegal drugs offered anodyne
Sandpapered edges -- buffering
Unable to deaden the suffering
Catatonic -- and waiting Electric shock -- tranquilized
Memories lost -- lives traumatized
Shattered beings -- self hypnotized
Helpless -- and waiting So died the age of innocence
In hospital beds and institutes
The children suckled on battle scenes
Could never recoup or restitute
Grieving -- and waiting
Across the land -- mobilized
Unable to cope -- stigmatized
Their open wounds - uncauterized
Wandering -- they're still waiting Deployed whole -- compartmentalized
Given back -- fragmentized
Years down the line -- picking up crumbs
Our lives on hold -- our brains on numb
We lost ourselves in waiting Three decades past some things have changed
Halfway through a place marked sane
Validated war and listed names
Etched in black granite the heroes came
Reflecting back the faces of pain
On those who can't go home again
Relinquished at last -- the waiting